


The Road to Home - part 10

by MiaCousland



Series: The Road to Home [10]
Category: Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Closure, F/M, Fucking, Grief/Mourning, Heterosexual Sex, Loss of Parent(s), Moving On, Sex, Tiny knickers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-15
Updated: 2014-11-15
Packaged: 2018-02-24 13:03:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2582369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MiaCousland/pseuds/MiaCousland
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The last in the series - </p><p>Alistair and Mia return to Highever after their near-fatal sortie, lots of sex happens and Mia finally achieves the closure that she has sought after ever since she left Castle Cousland nearly a year ago.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Road to Home - part 10

**Author's Note:**

> I'm fully aware that there's a non-Canon time line in this thing but go with it :)

It was early morning as I gazed out over the hills littered with darkspawn bodies.  An early morning mist hung low over the grass with an ethereal beauty and pricked at my cheeks with its cool touch.  It was a merciful act from the Maker as the corpses were somewhat masked, although it was eery to see them shrouded as they were.  I had risen from my bed at this unworldly hour for the onorous task of collecting the dark blood.  Small vials charmed with preserving magicks clinked in my satchel as I made my way about the fallen enemy.  Aston knew a mage who could stay the putrefaction somewhat and keep the liquid fresh.  I had asked him to weave his magic over the battlefield until I was able to visit it.  My eyes scanned those laying silently for injuries that would allow a pooling of blood.  I found one and I dipped vials into what remained of its blackened lungs, filling three before the blood was gone.  Kneeling down beside the remains, I squirreled away my finds in my bag and raised my hand, inspecting the thumb and first few fingers as it glistened with a black, sticky liquid.  I marvelled at those recruits who would have to drink this.  New recruits were supposed to collect their own, as I had done, but with scant enemies to find and slay, I took the opportunity of stocking up. My mind flew back to Daveth and Ser Jory.  We weren't to know I would be the only one left after our joining.  Not for the first time, a wave of survivor's guilt washed over me.  At the thought of the Joining Chalice, and the dark, hate-filled liquid that swirled in it, a hunger started deep within me, climbing out of control quickly.  It ricocheted around my soul and strangled my mind.  Eyes drifted shut and I steadied myself on the ground against the onslaught of heinous thoughts.  

I could hear them.  The darkspawn.  The screams and wailing roiled around the back of my mind like an ill wind.  An echo of need pulled at my body and it was impossible to resist.  I waited, willing it to subside, but it wouldn't.  It kept calling and calling, drawing me closer towards them.  No, the nightmares were gone!  They  _had_  to be!  Could this be the beginning of the end?  I was destined to succumb one day and slip below the earth and rock, only to live out my days in madness and pain.  There was a bleak sanctity in the voices and moans.  Should I?  Should I give in?   _Mia,_ they called, _join us._ My soul hung upon a knife edge.  Strange that it should come to this.  My ears hummed to their melody and my heart ached to join them.  I opened my eyes and they alighted on the slick, blood covered fingers.  Breaths were coming fast; in and out quickly through my nose.  Without warning, with great need, and like a horrible addiction, they were in my mouth and I was sucking every last drop of blood off them.  My tongue lashed my fingers and palms, and anywhere it had run to.  Anything to get more of the bitter, metally nectar.  My eyes caught the open chest cavity below me.  For the briefest of seconds, bliss filled me as I gazed upon the remains of what had been slain.  It would have been the easiest thing in the world to bury my face in it.  The dark voices that were calling me to them begged me to do so, willed me join them in their pain.  

My head moved to dip forward.

It was this moment, this dying slither of acceptance, that scared the shit of me.  The veil lifted from my eyes and I saw what I was about to do.  I scrambled backwards, my boots scrabbling at the dirt in a desperate bid to get away.  A dry sob escaped my open mouth as I came to a stop a few moments later.  What had I almost done?  What had I almost become?  Shakily I got to my feet.  My leaden feet drove me back toward the inn where everyone would be rising soon.  Shaking, shivering, nauseous - the blood was already having an effect.  It was my joining again.  Why had I done it?  Blood was racing around my body in response to the blood I had just taken in.  My mouth felt oily and I longed just to drink.  A thirst raged and fired my throat.  A few guards watched me as I walked up, past the carts and horses, past the two posted outside the main door, up the stairs and past the guards standing sentry on the landing. 

"Are you on shift for Ser Lester?" I turned to them and demanded.  Tact and polite talking seemed to have sailed.  Whether or not it was a direct result of the darkspawn blood, I didn't know but my mind filled with baser desires.  I was becoming animalistic.  Under my cold armour, shivering caused my skin to break out in goose bumps and my nipples to harden.    
"Yes, Ma'am."  
"Go downstairs." I told them quickly.  
"Your Highness?  Is there a problem?"  
"No, just go downstairs and don't return till I tell you you can.  The bottom of the stairs will do."

Like the properly trained soldiers they were, silently they turned and descended the stair case.  I opened the door to see my husband asleep on the bed.  The blanket had ridden down and revealed the hairs on his broad chest.  It peacefully moved up and down.  Hard, muscled, warm.  My heart beat faster.  Buckles were ripped apart from my armour, laces untied and underclothes shed.  I nearly ran across the bedroom.  Within moments, I was on all fours kneeling over him.  Deep, heady breathing.  Blood pulsing. He slowly rolled his head to look at me, a look of confusion arching his eyebrows and furrowing his brow.

“Good morning?”

I tipped my head to one side and watch with fascination at his ability to move his mouth and talk. I nodded slowly, my hips starting to gyrate at the same time.

“Fuck. Me.” I half-whispered, half-grunted.  
“Oka ...”

I collapsed onto him, pressing my lips to his, not giving him the time to finish talking. He responded quickly. I knew he would.  We had only just finished our course of medicine from Aston and already we were feeling the effects of not having fucked for days.  Wrapping his hard arms around me, I felt him pull me into his body. As I kissed him deeper and deeper, his lips and mouth moved faster and faster. I could practically hear his hormones kicking every part of him into action. His hands moved all over my bare back and shivers followed where his fingers touched. I could feel his rough hands feel their way and grab my arse. He always loved it and his hands squeezed and held it tightly against him. My lips left his. His hot breath and mouth on my neck. Faster. Need him. It was fluid how we moved between him on my neck and my mouth.

I raised my chest, willing him to take my breasts in his mouth. Nipples bitten. Sweet release. Electricity arched my back as he sucked and kissed. His nose brushed the breastbone between the two and he was straight back up to my mouth. Hungry. Need him. Now.

Suddenly he was above me, rolling me onto my back without leaving a gap between us. The blanket was kicked away and I could feel all parts of his hot body on mine; between my legs, on my chest, under my arms. His body was all muscle and passion as he urgently started thrusting at me. Reaching down, he guided himself into me. Sweet pain. I bit my lip.

He was in me, fully. I writhed under him as he pushed into me fast.

“More.” I moaned.

Harder he shoved himself into me. We locked eyes and I could see hot intent burning in the amber there. Faster. In. Further! Sparks were heating up my body in ways I needed so much more of.

“Alist...air...” I panted, feeling grunts keening in my throat.

I could see in his eyes there was no longer any rational thought in his mind, just lust. From nothing to fuck monkey in a few moments. Lucky me that I was able to turn him on so quickly.

“Oh!” I cried as he rammed into me. “Again. More!”

My arms wrapped around his neck and I pulled him into another passionate kiss, not willing him to get away even an inch. Speed was building up now. I was getting close. Breathing on my neck again. Maker's breath. Kissing. Thrusting. Fucking. Faster...

“OH!” I screamed as I came hard.

I clung to him, my arms squeezing him to me as my body soared. My head reeled with dizziness as I flew with the orgasm. Smiles. Utter bliss. Partial descent. Husband's eyes. I kissed him and bit my lip as I felt him fucking me with more and more insistence. With a hot cry into my neck, Alistair came moments later. Slowly, he came down and finally he stopped, drawing me into a loving and final kiss. It was one of those kisses that was deep and meaningful, one that didn't need words to accompany it. Slipping out of me, he rolled onto his back and collapsed, his forearm laying across his forehead. Alistair lay panting softly as he tried to figure out what had just happened. He just stared at the ceiling.

“What the fuck was that?” he finally managed to ask.

I couldn't bring myself to tell him what I'd done. Now that the wave of brutal passion had been knocked out of me by Alistair, I felt shame as to what I'd almost committed myself to outside. I was Warden Commander. I was supposed to be above that. However, he was one too. Surely he would understand. Surely?

“I love you. What can I say?” I smiled at him. “You happen to look happy when you're sleeping.”  
“You mean you get to gawp at my wonderful hot body that's so delicious and manly, right? ... Right?”  
“Right.” I smiled, propping myself up on my elbow and looking at him.  
“But I know you, and I know there's something else.” My confidence wobbled and I felt my eyes fall to fear. I sat up to get away from him.  “See, I knew it.” he teased with a grin before realising that there was something definitely up. He sat up quickly and his voice become worried. “Mia, what is it?”  
“I was out collecting for Vigil's Keep supplies this morning.”  
“Okay...”  
“Alistair,” I said, hugging my knees and rubbing my temple, “I heard them.”  
“Who? The guards?” he asked naively. I couldn't help but smile at him.  
“No, my love. The darkspawn.” I told him quietly.  
He stopped. “Hmm.” he mused as he pursed his lips. “That's not good.”  
“Nope.”  
“Did they say anything? Did you see any … dragons?” he tentatively probed.  
“No, nothing like that. And no visions. Just sounds. Voices, more like. Well, screams anyway. You know what it's like. It seems like this place is a bit of a hotspot. Or ...”  
“Or ...” came the gentle urge.  
“Or this is the beginning of the end for me."  Alistair shook his head rapidly.  "It _will_ happen eventually.” I warned.  
“It can't be!” Alistair said, both scared and confused at the same time. “Every piece of research that has been done, every story that we have – they all say that Wardens are much older before they start to succumb.”  
“But how many of those have killed an Archdemon? Maybe that sped things up a bit?”

To that, Alistair was silent. He took what felt like an age to start speaking again.

“The best thing I can suggest is that when you get to Vigil's Keep, you have the librarians and mages and everybody else you can draft in to help you by doing research. Surely there should be something there in all those records.”  
“I hope.”  
“Come here.” he said, pulling me into a hug and laying back on the pillow. “I will not let anything happen to my beautiful wife. You are staying here with me. In this bed. Darkspawn can go fuck themselves as far as I'm concerned.”

I smiled at his bravado.

“And you'll fight them off yourself, will you?”  
“Every single one of them.” he grinned, stroking my hair as he whispered, “Mia, you'll be fine. You're far too young to slip below the earth just yet.”

Snuggling into the crook of his arm, still warm and sweating from our rampant fucking just a few moments before, I tried to listen to him and begged my mind to ignore my own doubt. If only I was as confident as Alistair claimed to be. However, as I listened to the rapid beating of his heart, I wondered if he was as confident as he claimed to be.

 

* * *

 

"Is this a good idea, Mia?  You know what I'm like at public engagements.  I try to say worthy things but my mouth gets in the way and I start babbling.  Always with the babbling."

He wore a nervous look as he lifted his arm for me to help dress him.  As I pulled the buckle of his armour tighter, I tried to think of a response that wouldn't let Alistair know I agreed with him.

"My love, you are the King.   You helped save Highever from a darkspawn attack.  You almost _died_ in the fight defending them.  Waltzing back into the castle under armed guard without the town seeing you would be unfair to them.  They haven't had a chance to see you yet, have they?  They need to see you to love you."  
"Love me?"  
"They won't fight for you if they don't love you, Alistair." I said almost dismissively as I concentrated on yet another buckle.  "Maker's balls, how many of these does your armour have?"  
"About a hundred.  Only ninety-five more to go." he joked.

It had been an arse to get him to agree to processing into Highever but both myself and Fergus, via a personal missive from the castle, had persuaded him that it had to be done to engender goodwill for the fledgling monarchy.  Ser Lester, who had joined us from Denerim, almost had dragonlings when we told him of our plan but we had won him round.  Mostly with my insistent and persistent conversations with him.  He was most dedicated to his job but he did tend to forget that he worked for the King, not the other way around.  Alistair had agreed, after a lot of hugs and persuading that it was going to be okay.  I knew he would be a fantastic King but I had to work on his confidence.  There was one proviso for him processing into the city; he would wear the armour that he had fought the darkspawn in, not the radiantly new platemail that had come from Denerim.  It had not a scratch on it.

"Cailan would have worn something like this." he had whispered to me when he had seen it.  "I do not want to be mistaken for my brother."

I had had to stand guard over the armour that they had peeled off of his limp body after he had collapsed.  When the royal retinue had turned up, Ser Lester had spied it in the corner and almost wretched at the battered nature of it.  Over the next few hours, I had played cat-and-mouse with him as he tried to stalk around me and get it, presumably to have it fixed and made more suitable for the King.  I knew Alistair wouldn't feel comfortable in anything else.  We had danced around each other; me protecting the dog-eared metal and he trying to pinch it.  In the end, I had locked it in a safebox and given him a royal order to stay away.  That had shut him up.  Alistair had said that someone who fought would have dints and scratches in his armour and it would be far from shiny as the new armour had been.  We both agreed that people were more likely to believe a King was a fighter if he could move comfortably in his armour.  He even wanted to leave the darkspawn guts on his but I managed to persuade him to wipe that off.  There were patches where the blood had stained it anyway. He would look genuine enough. I walked over to the red leather box on one of our tables as I finished getting him into his outfit.

"Mia, not the crown!" came the immediate whine.  
"Alistair, how will they know you are the King if you do not wear this?" I told him plainly as I held out the metal circle.  
"They know you, don't they?  If you're riding at my side, then people will know that the handsome devil at your side is the King."  
"Well, Ser Lester will be riding behind us, my love." I teased to which he pouted.  "Listen, if you don't want to, that is okay but unfortunately, this is all about your image.  We need to sell you to the people.  I know that you love them and you will fight for them, but they need to know this too."  
"But the rumour mill?  Surely that will work, won't it?  They'll soon see how brilliant I am, right?"  
"We can get people gossiping in the pubs and watering holes but that takes time.  We need impact, now!"

He frowned as he took the thing out of my hand.  

"This isn't me." he said quietly to himself, as he hung his head slightly and looked at the weighty thing.

I pretended I hadn't heard him.  The thing was that I agreed whole-heartedly.  This was the sweet man that just wanted to hide indoors, eat cheese all day long and play with the dog.  However, he had not had the training that I had done.  I had spent my life among nobility and I knew how to play the game.  The power that the masses had was incomprehensible and they were so scantly aware of it.  If they warmed to a leader, it was so much harder for the discontented around court to depose the monarch.  A loved King was a symbol to rally behind.  I was not going to let Alistair fall prey to those who already were scheming behind his back.  My parents had trained me well and I would not waste those valuable lessons.

"Right," I told him brightly as he placed the metal on his head with a resigned sigh. "You're ready to go."

He stood and clutched his sword before placing it clinically in his scabbard.

"How do I look?" he asked softly.

He stood up tall; armour strapped to him, sword at his side and crown on his head.  He was the very model of a handsome King who would fight for his country, but he was devoid of soul.  His eyes were hollow as they looked at me, searching for acceptance.

"Like a King." I smiled back with a false energy, although I couldn't keep my sorrow for his sadness out of my voice.

His shoulders slumped a little before he muttered something to himself, stood up taller and walked to the door.  My babies were already in their sheaths on my back and my keen eye swept the room for anything else that we would need.  We walked down the stairs in silence, guards standing to attention as we passed. When he alighted at the bottom, the whole of the room stood up to which he stopped still, regarding them as if they were mad.  There was a pause as he looked around the room at all those there to see him.  He marched straight over to the tavern owner; a feisty woman by the name of Berille whose arms looked like they could slay a mountain lion bare-handed.  She looked almost nervous as she watched the King of Ferelden approach.  He grabbed the side of her head with both hands and planted a huge kiss, directly on the lips.  There was a stunned look on her face when he pulled back and let go of her head.  I heard the devastated gasps from the members of the Royal Court, including Ser Lester, for which I felt wildly proud of my husband.

"Thank you for your generous hospitality." he said with a charming smile before turning to the rest of the room.  "To all of you, now I know what you do here, for Highever, I will make sure the Treasury back in Denerim hears of it and you are rewarded.  I am most grateful for all you have done for myself and my wife over the past few days."

With that, he turned and walked out of the door.  Straight past me without saying a word.  When I made it outside after saying my own words of gratitude to everyone, he was already sat on top of his decorated horse.  His back was straight and he looked kindly down at everyone that had gathered from the nearby homesteads, but my practiced eye could tell in the way he held his shoulders or nodded his head, or ... fuck, generally everything.  He was not happy at all and his body language screamed out to me that he was far from comfortable.  This was all bullshit for him and it wasn't the Alistair that I knew.  I sighed at the show I was making him go through.  My horse was brought to me and a stablehand patiently held the reins out for me to take.  Nimbly my boot was in the stirrup and I swung my leg over the saddle.  Gathering the leather straps around my hands, I thanked the boy and nudged my horse over to where my husband waited.

"I'm proud of you." I told him quietly with a friendly smile.

I tried to catch his eye but as much as I did so, he resolutely avoided it.  Biting my lip to keep a wifely retort in, I instead waited for the signal that we were to move off.  There was a large train that had to accompany us back but I tried not to look at it.  It was so different to how we had left Denerim, alone and under the cover of blackest night.  I had used all my rogue skills to sneak us out then.  Now, we couldn't have snuck away if we had been cloaked.  Well, I may have been able to but I had got Alistair into this and I would help him out throughout the day.  Within five minutes we were on the move; Alistair and myself leading the central procession with Knights flanking us at the edge of the road.  Ser Lester would ride close behind.  After him came the rest of the retinue.

The inn we had travelled to a few days previously was only an hour away from the main city anyway but such a large contingent moved slowly.  It was an hour before we finally saw the walls, let alone entered the gate.  The sound of bells ringing around the city announced our imminent arrival.  A low growl issued from Alistair's throat and out of the side of my eye, I could see him grip the pommel of his saddle a little tighter.

"Alistair?" I tried again.  
"Yes?" came the quiet reply.  
"I am sorry, my love."  I went back to looking at the people who had gathered at the side of the road.  I smiled at them as we passed and some even waved back.  It made me happy and I dropped my eyes a little, contemplating what was happening.  "I should not have made you do this, Alistair."  
He sighed through his nose.  "No, you were right.  It does need to be done.  It just makes me feel pompous, and I am not a charming man when I feel pompous.  I feel like a fat bag of boring."  
"So how did you want to do this?"  
"Like everyone else does - just walk in the front gate and smile at people."  
"Well, you are the King.  Do that."

He turned his head to look at me, quizzing me with a tilt of the head.  A innocent shrug of the shoulders was all the answer he was going to get.  

"Want to watch Ser Lester have a fit?" came the impish whisper after a while.  
"Pardon me?" 

Gradually he came to a stop.  Immediately I pulled the reins up on my horse and I could hear commands relayed behind me.  Slowly, from the sounds of the shouts and creaking of cartwheels, the whole column came to a halt.  Glancing backwards, I could see Ser Lester's eyes dancing between the two of us, worry at the apparent changing of the plan marring his usually stern features.  Looking back to my husband, the King, I was overjoyed to see that his eyes sparkled.  His shoulders had relaxed and he looked like my Alistair again.  Without warning, he climbed down off his horse and I immediately joined him.  There was a clatter of horse hooves about us as steeds twitched under nervous riders.

"No trappings." he told me firmly.  I nodded.

The saddle was deftly detached from his horse and he laid it gently on the ground.  There was an audible shriek of dismay from a marshal further back up the column but he was quickly quietened.  Alistair removed the rump cover that had been tailored to his horse.  As he held the mass of red and gold brocade, his head turned from side to side.  Eventually he strode towards the Knights that lined the side of the road.  Walking confidently through them, he gave the luxurious pile to a dumbstruck family. From the looks of their clothes they were farmers, quite unused to seeing such things, let alone coming face-to-face with the King.

,

"Please accept this as a present." I heard him humbly ask them.  He stayed and waited while the patriarch nodded mutely, his mouth hanging open slightly.  "Yay!" Alistair called out before returning to his horse.

His saddle was reattached as he whistled a happy tune.  I had watched him do this so many times and I smiled, so happy he was back to normal.  He spoke softly to his beloved horse, rubbing her neck as he redressed her.  Other visible trappings of the Royal Court were quickly removed.

"Right, you look like my horse once more." he told her with a friendly hug of her neck.  He rubbed her nose fondly and grabbed for the reins.  "Ser Lester, Knights of the Guard, if I'm going to do this, I do it my way.  You _will_ fall back a little.  My wife and I will be walking in together, side by side.  I refuse to be someone I'm not.  I am just a man.  But," and here he looked to me with a grin, "I will keep the crown on."

I smiled back and we took up the reins of our horses.

"Only because I think it makes me look dashing." he whispered out of the side of his mouth to me with a wink, once we were out of earshot of the rest.  "I do look dashing in it, right?"   
"Yes, my darling.  You look very dashing in it." I laughed as we walked down the road towards Highever.

 

* * *

 

We took dinner in our rooms that night.  It would be the last night we would spend together for two weeks and I wanted to make it count.  It was, after all, the last night of my honeymoon.  Alistair was travelling to the city state of Kirkwall, and from what I knew of it, it was filled with those on the run from everywhere else.  They seemed to settle in Kirkwall.  It was dark and mysterious, exciting and exotic.  I knew Alistair wouldn't notice other women - Maker, it took him long enough to admit he liked  _me_ \- but I was sure that those women of disrepute would notice him.  I needed to make him want to return to Ferelden as soon as possible, not that he wouldn't want to do that anyway.

I was leaning so far forward, I was practically sat _on_ the table, and my arse was barely on the chair.  It was surprising that we hadn't flipped the table and started fucking on the floor beneath us.  I was fully aware that we were highly oversexed but as I looked at my exquisitely good-looking husband sat only a small distance from me, I caught his eye and smiled that I just didn't care if people thought we were too intimate.  A playful spirit sat just behind his eyes and I could almost see the devilish things he was wanting to do to me.  He was sitting as far forward as I was.  He was as good-looking as the day I'd first seen him Ostagar, although a lot less wet behind the ears.  Gorgeous and intimately connected, he still made my stomach flutter.  Especially how he looked tonight.  He was wearing a cotton shirt that was open at the neck.  It was cut fairly inexpensively but it just happened to highlight those broad shoulders that made me weak at the knees.  I'd borrowed one of Alistair's cotton shirts and that was all I had on, apart from some sheer underpants that were so small they were barely there anyway.  The fire was not far away and I didn't feel the least bit cold.

With my long legs, and one crossed over the other, they were just the right length to touch his under the table.  My toes brushed the side of his calf and he glanced down momentarily before returning to his food with an amused grin.  I was leant forward on my elbows, drinking out of my goblet but never not looking at him.  He cut some meat pie and put it in his mouth, but a crumb of pastry stayed on his lip.  Without thinking, I leant forward and picked it off, holding it out for him to eat.

"Oops, missed a bit." I teased.

He held my eye with a naughty glow in his, and chewed his food slowly.  When he had finished, he took the food, and my fingers, into his mouth and sucked at them, still never taking his eyes from mine.  My breasts tingled as I felt his warm mouth suck at my fingers.

"Thank you, my love." he said in a knicker-meltingly low voice.

I sat back and grabbed some grapes, popping one in my mouth and eating.

"So," I said, swallowing, "are you looking forward to Kirkwall?"  
"I'm looking forward to finally meeting this Champion we've all heard of.  I was handed another letter today." Reaching into the pocket of a jerkin that hung over the back of his chair, a letter was retrieved and it was handed over to me with an impressed look towards the paper.

I eagerly opened it.  Over the top of the letter, I glanced at Alistair who leaned forward onto his elbows, resting his mouth on interlaced fingers.  His eyes danced as he eagerly waited for my reaction.  Much as I tried, I couldn't help but feel my eyes widen.  

"The _Arishok!?_  That man-mountain has to be at least nine feet tall!" I exclaimed, bursting out laughing.  I was deeply impressed that she had managed to fell the beast.  "Wow!" I said as I handed the letter back to my waiting husband.  "That lady has to be very impressive indeed!"  
"Indeed." he said distractedly, his eyes staring through the paper.  Flickers of jealousy rippled at the edge of my mind but I quickly beat them down.  
"Alistair, darling, you are  _my_ husband, not hers." came the amused response from my lips.  "Or was an Archdemon not impressive enough for you?"  
"Huh?" he asked, turning back from the letter to me.  No, the feelings were definitely still there. Someone else had piqued his interest.  His eyes stayed on me as his head stayed facing the paper and he fought to keep a giggle inside.  "If I didn't know you, Mia, I'd say you were jealous."  
"Not even remotely." I said as I quickly took the goblet and drank deeply.  
"Yes dear." he replied amusedly and turned back to the letter.  "Anyway, you have nothing to fear from me. Thank you for your confidence in my loyalty, by the way.  That really made me feel warm and cuddly inside."  
"Darling, I didn't mean that.  It's just that I've heard she's lovely and probably very good looking as well.  She's also a big fight machine, from what the rumours say.  That letter proves it."  
"Just the kind of woman I like, you mean?" he teased.  I pouted and nodded, taking another sip.  "Careful," he said, nodding at the cup, "we don't want another roof incident."  I knew he was needling me then and I threw a grape at him to which he burst out laughing.  "Anyway, the rumour is that nobody gets near her without going through her elf first."  
"Elf?"  
"Yes, some elf with strange tattoos.  I think the word is 'inseparable'.  Like you and me, dearest one.  Yes, apparently there is an elf who is her constant companion.  If you thought I was overly protective of you, then I am nothing compared to him.  Allegedly, anyway.  No, this should be a _most_ interesting visit."

He put the letter back in his pocket and after taking a sip from his glass, leant forward on the table and took my hand.  He ran his thumb gently over the back of my fingers before lifting them to his lips.  Gently he pulled my hand and lifted it, as if silently asking me to stand.  I did.  He pulled me over to him, smiling that insanely sexy grin he had at times like these, and as soon as I was near, put a hand on the small of my back and reached his chin up to kiss me.  I lifted my leg and straddled his lap, draping my arms around his neck and returning the kiss fully.   His fingers left my hand now and tenderly tucked loose hair back behind my ear.  He was inches from my face when he spoke.

"I could never, ever be even remotely interested in anyone else.  You are my beloved wife and I adore you." came the soft voice that made my stomach feel fizzy and my head light.

He wrapped his strong arms around me and pulled me into him, kisses deepening as the time went on.  At first they were full of love and fidelity and ongoing adoration but as they went on, and his firm hands started travelling up and down my back, pressing me into him and squashing my breasts up against his chest, they were beginning to taste less of the finer feelings and more like pure, out-and-out lust.  As he kissed me, his hands came to rest just by my chest and his thumbs started grazing my nipples through the thin shirt I was wearing.  Despite the heat from the fire, my breasts tightened at the sensation and my nipples hardened.  I softly bit my lip and stared into his eyes.   He did it again so I kissed him passionately, putting my hands on either side of his head before spreading my fingers into his hair.  When he pulled back, I heard him whisper my name in a voice drenched in desire.  

I sat back on his lap a little and pulled the shirt off, giving him full view of the body that was his and his alone.   I was now only wearing the small, barely there, underwear.  I don't think he even noticed as he stared at my breasts.

"Maker's breath ..." he moaned as his strong hands moved to my back and pulled me forward, mingling hot kisses and hot breath on the skin between my breasts.

His cock was moving down below against my arse but I wasn't prepared to play just yet.  I sat back, pulling at the bottom of his shirt.  He moved a little, allowing me to pull it over his head, revealing his muscular chest and arms.  The shirt was discarded rapidly onto the floor as he returned to my lips for another deep kiss.  Lust was driving me crazy and I pressed myself up against him, bare skin rubbing together, nipples to chest.  It was so magnetically sexy, it was unbelievable.  Alistair slipped his hands around the curves of my arse and with barely any effort, stood up, still kissing me.  My limbs wrapped around his waist, tightening them with lust.  He lifted me a little to catch a nipple in his teeth.  Biting down on them made me squeal a little so he did it again.  

Alistair carried me over to the bed and laid me down on the soft quilt.  He discarded his trousers quickly, revealing that he hadn't been wearing any underclothes either.  My eyebrows raised quizzically to which he shrugged with an unabashed smile on his face.  The heaviness of him on top of me as he lay down was a welcome pressure.  Never crushing, always caring; it was like being wrapped in power, lust and love all in one handsome package.  He pinned me to the pillows with his mouth and I was loving it.  A trail of kisses was left down my neck, past my breasts, around my breasts, across my stomach, and then he stopped.  What had happened?  

"What are these?" he exclaimed in wonder.  Then I remembered what I was wearing.  
"What are what, my love?" I asked with mock innocence.

I was rolled over so I was laying on my front.  Alistair sat back on his heels between my legs and just stared at my arse.  "Oh Maker, what ... what are those pants you are wearing?"  
"You like?"  
"Uh-huh..." I lifted my head to see his jaw agape, just staring.  "Mia, do you love me?"  
"I think you know the answer to that, my dear."  
"Well, would you do me a favour?  Don't worry if you don't want to." he stuttered timidly.  "It's absolutely fine but I just wanted to watch you walk about so I could stare at that magnificent arse of yours.  I didn't think you could make it more appealing, but you seemed to have managed it."  
"It's only a pair of pants, Alistair." I laughed gently.  
"No, it's magic and love in material form.  And on  _that_ arse.  Oh Maker... " he repeated.  
"So I was right to bring them with us on honeymoon?"

He nodded quickly, reminding me a little of our dog with his tongue hanging out.

"Where's that bra you have that makes your breasts look inspirationally divine?"  
"'Inspirationally divine'?  That good?" I grinned.  
"Please Mia.  This is important to me.  World-politics-changing important.  It's I'd-rather-sit-here-and-watch-my-wife-parade-around-in-sexy-underclothes-than-go-to-Kirkwall-and-diplome important.  More-important-than- _cheese_ important." he implored with big, puppy-dog eyes.  Wow, I knew I had him then.  
"Stay there a moment."

Leaving him prone and naked on the bed, my feet skittered lightly to the dressing room that adjoined our chambers.  I could hear cute protestations that I'd run away before he got a good look and I smiled lightly.  Searching rapidly through our bags, the bra was found and quickly donned.  Jigging my breasts around in them to make sure they were perfect, I glanced down.  Alistair was going to go nuts.  I ran two hands through my hair and shook it out a little.

Standing just behind the door frame, I raised a leg and wrapped it around the stone, followed by an arm.  I rolled my head to the side and looked directly across the room to where my husband had propped himself up on the pillows.  He wore a disarmingly sweet and expectant smile as he locked eyes with me.  My leg came back and I twisted around the doorframe to end up in the room, with my back to the wall.  Raising my hands above my head, I bit my lip seductively and gazed longingly at him, writhing slightly against the wall.

"Andraste's sweet tits ..." I could hear him whisper a little as his eyes widened and his mouth dropped open slightly.

As I crossed the room, I held my hand on one hip and walked with a slow gait, exaggerating my hip swing as I walked.  My lips curled in a knowing smile as I walked on my tiptoes, accentuating my long legs.  I arrived at the side of the bed and stood there with my hands on my hips.  "This okay, your Majesty?"

"Maker, save me." he swallowed and blinked several times.  "It's good." he barely managed to say before his voice broke and he coughed.

I walked over to the far wall slowly, swinging my arse as I went, so he could stare at it moving.  I turned around and sauntered back again.  I could see from the cock standing straight up that he was ready to start fucking me soon.  I climbed on to the bed at the bottom and crawled carefully over to where it waited for me.  I enveloped it quickly with my warm mouth, causing him to buck slightly at the surprise.  "Mia, careful." he warned, his voice showing the strain.  "I will come if you do that too much."

My head bobbed a little but he was left alone for the most part.  He was going to make me scream in a few minutes and I wasn't about to ruin my chances of that happening.  I was hot everywhere and I had to have him.  Soon I was knelt over him, wanting him, needing him.  

"Thank you for doing that but I need those breasts again." he smiled, nodding at the bra.  "Now, those things always confuse the hell out of me.  Can you take it off please? Pretty please?"

He didn't need to tell me twice.  It was quickly removed, having served its brief but vital role.

"Fuck me." I commanded him.  
"Well, let's get you out of those pants then." he obeyed.

I was on my back again.  How, I didn't know but I was.  His rough-skinned fingers grazed at my hips as they found the thin ribbon round my hips.  I would love to say he had the self-control to slowly take them off but he ripped them from my skin.  

"Hey!" I tried to cry but it was buried in the man coming at me.  Passion ripped through me as my husband's mouth pressed me deep into the pillows, such was his need to fuck me.  His hands were everywhere at once; on my back, on my arse, on my breasts.  He wasn't uncontrolled but he _was_ wild and I had set him loose on me. His mouth explored all over my breasts at the same time his hands were exploring between my legs.  His hands and fingers found out how turned on I was and before long, his mouth was exploring there as well.  His tongue licked and explored me and for untold moments, I was brought near and turned away from many orgasms.  He always knew when I was close and he would stop.  Damn him!  Pretty soon, my breath was escaping me in short, sharp panting.  He was up on my mouth again quickly, crushing his mouth on mine and his cock pressing at the heat down below.

"No," I gasped, "not like this."  
"What do you want then?" he asked as he kissed me again, this time with his hot lips on my neck - always guaranteed to have me tingling everywhere.

I got him to roll onto his back quickly and within moments, my hips were beginning to grind at his.  He knew what I wanted and his cock was guided in to me quickly.  I gasped at feeling so full but there wasn't enough time to worry about the hurt.  It was being swept aside in a tidal wave of pleasure that was building with each thrust Alistair was ramming into me.  His hands grabbed my hips as I lay on top of him with him going in and out, in and out ...  _in_ and out ...  _in_ and out.  Oh Maker, he was good.  He turned his thumbs to just inside my hip bone.  It was always guaranteed to add that extra shot of writhing pleasure that I needed to escape.  It was like pressing all the buttons at once.

Faster and faster, he rocked my hips back and forward, feeling his cock slide up into me where it would make me squeal with pleasure as it hit the top.  More!  Faster!  Heat radiated between my legs and it was getting more and more coiled, more compressed.  It needed to erupt.  Make me scream, my brain cried as I started to lose control.  My eyes were drifting closed as I felt more and more drunk on passion and lust, needing that one release.

"Alistair," I breathed raggedly.  "Please, Alistair.  I'm coming.  Please ..."

My hips were being wonderfully punished as he bucked his hips into me, thrusting his cock deeper and deeper, overwhelming me ...

"Maker!   _ALISTAIR!_ " 

I screamed his name as my body finally erupted in explosions.  All my muscles pulled rapidly into the centre of me, rigid in their pleasure.  Between my legs, my orgasm released waves of pleasure into me.  My whole skin tingled and for one moment, it was so intense I felt like I couldn't breathe.  No sound, no light, just utter rapture.  And finally, it subsided and I could hear again.  Gasping for air, I started to breathe in great draughts of cool air.  I wasn't even aware of Alistair as I came down.  I could feel him still moving but slower, slower and I realised he must have come too.  Moving with me, he was trying to get a hold on what had just happened.  We both collapsed onto the bed and I rolled onto my back, the muscles between my legs still spasming randomly.  It was as if they had been beaten into submission and couldn't function properly.  I certainly couldn't.

"Alistair, I think that may have been the best sex yet."  
"Yu-huh." he panted.  
"Are you okay?"  
"Yes.  It was pretty intense for me too.  Give me a moment."

We stayed there for a long time, maybe even falling asleep for a short period.  I know that it took a while for my own mouth to attempt talking properly to him.

"So." Alistair asked me, laying an arm behind his head.  I rolled over to snuggle into the crook of his arm.  "That was good."  
"Yes.  Not bad, all-in-all.  I think I'll keep you." I murmured with a smile.  He laughed softly and kissed the top of my head.  
"How am I going to be able to do without you for two whole weeks?" he wondered.  "It's going to wound me.  Actually wound me."  
" _Actually_ wound you?  Oh dear."  
"Don't joke! If I come back with big gashes in my heart, it will be your fault.  I'll die of a broken heart and my wife won't care about me, just about the sex god that she lost somewhere across the Waking Sea."  
"You will be careful, won't you?" I asked, suddenly fearing for him.  The imagery of a broken and severed heart somehow fit with what I knew of Kirkwall.  
"Of course, Mia.  I won't let anything happen to your little fuck monkey.  I'll bring him back again safely."

We lay together in silence for a while.  With the arm that curled protectively round me, Alistair absently ran his fingers up and down my upper arm.

"Confession time?" came a quiet voice.

I propped myself up on his chest to look at him.  "Of course.  What's the matter?"  
"When I was floating about the ether - when Aston was ... fixing me - I dreamed of the first time we talked."  
"When was that?"  
"You were eight and I was ten.  I stole the bread from the Castle kitchens."  
"Oh.  I remember." I said, stilling my voice into a quiet hush.  "You were hungry."  
"And you were kind.  Faultlessly so."  
"Why on earth would you dream of that?"  
"Who knows?"  
"Nobody should ever be hungry." I told him, settling back down onto his chest and thinking of that time.  Of the small boy who stood quivering with fear in front of me.  I only vaguely remembered it but I remember the look of gratitude in his eye when I gave him something to eat.    
"That should be the motto of my reign."  
"It certainly would endear you to the peasantry and poor of the realm."  
"It is an honourable ideal."  
"One of the best."

He went silent again.  Memories of that morning flooded back to me and my heart, quietened down after my exercise, started to race again.

"I need to tell you something as well."  
"Go on."  I sat up and looked at him, feeling my eyes look a little wider with the fear of judgement circulating in my system.  "Mia, what is it?"  
"This morning," I started, swallowing my fear away, "this morning, when I heard them and they took over my mind, I drank the darkspawn blood from my fingers.  It was a physical compulsion.  I couldn't help but do it." I told him quickly, willing him to say it was okay. He looked at me directly.

"Orzammar."

I raised an eyebrow.  "Pardon me?"

He looked at me for the longest time with pressed lips and gently sighing through his nose.

"We were in the Deep Roads.  I was on watch with Sten as you were all asleep.  The darkspawn started to sing to me to, in their own cold way.  It took over every single fibre of my being.  I was at one end of the cave and Sten was at the other, gazing and listening down a particular tunnel.  I was far enough away to slip round a corner and fall to the floor clutching at my chest, trying to rip it open.  There were puddles of dark liquid all around me.  As I fell into one of them, it splashed all over my hands and I saw it for what it was - blood.  It smelled of metal, earthen death and brimstone, and it was all for me.  I couldn't help myself.  My hands were in it before I could think, scooping it up into my mouth and drinking it down.  It quenched an almighty thirst, only to make me need more."  
"Yes." I breathed, in awe that someone else had shared this experience.  "What did you do?"  
"I looked around for more.  I wasn't myself.  I would have been off into the tunnels, trying to find them if Sten hadn't appeared around the corner and stopped me. He had come to look where I had gone."  
"He stopped you?"  
"Without a word, he picked me and wrapped his arms around mine, pinning them to my side.  I bucked and struggled like a fucking horse!  I was desperate to get away, to find more blood to drink or to join the darkspawn.  He just held me off the floor as my feet thrashed around.  You know how strong Sten was.  Eventually it subsided, although it took a long time."  
"What did he do?"  
"He put me down in the cave, next to my sleeping roll, simply said 'kadan' to me and walked back to the other tunnel.  It was never mentioned again."

I paused and just looked at him as he stared at the ceiling, obviously deep in thought and memory.

"Do you judge me?" I asked.  
"I could ask you the same.  But the answer is no, I do not judge you.  I think this is something that we have to be aware of. That there is a very dark part to us as Wardens."  
"I wish there was someone we could ask these questions to." I sighed as I laid back down on his chest.  An arm wrapped round me straight away.  
"Me too."  
"I'm worried about tomorrow, Alistair." I admitted after a while.  
"Tomorrow will unfortunately be what it will be, my love." came the patient explanation.  "If you want to abandon the plan, then that's okay.  It is horrific, what you went through, but I think that maybe this is necessary.  For closure."

I looked up at him and he stared back with a sad smile.

"You're right.  It will just be hard." came my response.  
"I know."

We both fell into a pregnant pause.

"I could make you forget if you wanted.  Or just knock you out completely." he prompted with a grin.

Despite the dark place my mind had wandered to momentarily, I couldn't help but smile back at him.

"Oh, you will, will you?"  
"Did I, or did I not, make the walls echo with my own name a moment ago, screamed out in your voice?"  
"Yes, my love, you did.  I don't know if you could do it again though, not quite so soon."  
"Challenge accepted." he said in a low, sexy voice as he pulled me up to his waiting lips again.

 

* * *

 

This was it.   _Deep breaths, pup._

My heart beat a rapid staccato against the inside of chest as I stared at the solid wooden doors.  All around me, there was regimented silence as the entirety of the Castle Cousland guard stood firmly in their ordered places.  The full complement of staff and servants had turned out as well, many of whom had known me since I was a baby.  In the quiet, the forlorn sound of pennants cracking slowly in the dull wind could be heard over the distant hum and hiss of the city around us.  This well of sorrow before me was my destination, in so many ways.  I needed closure.  I knew I needed to do this on the ride back into Highever with Alistair.

"Ready?" Alistair whispered lovingly as he stood beside me.

My nose flared a little and with a set jaw, I nodded almost imperceptively, my head barely moving up and down.  I stared hard through Fergus who stood before us.  Years of comportment training had given my back its rigidity and my shoulders their low, apparently relaxed state.  Inside, that was not even remotely how I was feeling but I was so glad I had that strict measure to fall back on.  A sob settled in my throat as I thought of who had taught me those lessons and I swallowed hard, desperate to get rid of the strife.  A keen desire not to show my family up was so strong in me that I was able to hide those feelings away rapidly. I saw my brother give the nod to the waiting guards and the heavy doors were dragged open.  A lone piper began a thin, hauntingly beautiful tune that soared over all of those gathered.  The high sound climbed round me and its chilled fingers flew through my hair, my ears, and my soul.

Immediately I felt a draft of cold air against my face, making me shiver against the intense heat of the day.  Slowly the piper moved forward into the blackness, its echoes calling us downwards into the earth.  We followed silently.  A slope led us down underneath the castle and to either side of us, I could see the mighty supports that bore the weight of stone walls above us.  We passed under many stone arches before the floor began to level off and I knew we had reached the bottom.  We stopped before another set of solid wooden doors, intricate metalwork encasing the large hinges that swung open, allowing the room beyond to slowly be revealed.

I inhaled audibly through my nose as I looked into the vast, empty space.  Lit by firebrands on the wall, I could see the wide room I had known about since a child, but only once been able to visit.  Columns stood sentry, holding up their hands to support the vaulted ceiling and wearing carved stone garlands as capitals that wound up into the darkness.  Shadowy demons glared at us from those dark recesses, their vacant eyes and screeching teeth forever silenced by the stone.  There were guards here as well and were as inanimate as the stone around them.  Fergus walked carefully forward into the crisp air that waited beyond.  I couldn't move my feet.  Alistair stood still beside me, waiting patiently, facing forward.  I didn't even need to look at him to know he would wait as long as I needed.  

_Okay, pup, you can do this.  It's only a room.  Let's just get there first._

One deep breath.  With leaden feet, I walked forward through sheer willpower alone.  The threshold was passed and I was into the still stone tomb.  It was then that the floating took over and my feet seemed numb.  Without knowing how, I arrived at a recess in one of the walls flanked by more soldiers.  Fergus stepped to one side to reveal them.  Housed in the still hollow were two plain stone coffins, separated from me by metal gates of intricate scrollwork.  

My parents.

There was emptiness inside.  I tried to search for a sliver of warm memory, or something good that I could cling to, but there was nothing.  I wanted a wave of emotion.  I wanted a torrent of tears.  Something to show that I felt something inside me.  But there was nothing.  Just a vast, desolate hole, empty and black.  My life would never be the same again.  They were gone from me.  Echoes of hatred for Arl Howe flew briefly through my mind but even that went quickly, replaced by ... nothing.  Where was the pain?  Where were the relentless waves of agony that had been my constant companion a year ago?  They were gone.  I unclenched my teeth and it was only then that I realised I was shivering.

An altar covered with a tablecloth bearing the Cousland crest stood expectantly in front of the alcove, as did two kneelers to pray at.  As Alistair held my hand, I gently drew my skirts a little and bent my knee.  My hands joined and my fingers quickly interlaced, and I stared up at the silent stone in front of me.  I heard my husband kneel down and he joined me in silence.  

_Maker,_

_Please._

_Please do not let them die in vain._  
_Please do not let them be gone with no reason._  
_You have received them into your bountiful house and have meted out your justice to those responsible._

_Please._

_Please let me feel something._  
_Please help me to move past this._  
_Please help me to know that I can move on._  
_Let me carry on their memory._  
_Let me use their wisdom in my own way._  
_Let them never be gone from my heart._  
_Please let them live on in me._

_Please._

I opened my eyes and stared at the candles that stood tall and proud on the altar table.  They flickered and waved as they stood sentry.  I glanced over at Alistair and could see from the twisting of his features and the silent movement of his lips, he was emotional about what he was praying for.  My eyes drifted, focussing on the middle-distance where I saw Duncan and Alistair chatting near the fire in Ostagar.  If only my husband had known how Duncan had felt.  I had seen that paternal glint once in the older man's eyes but it was brief and then gone.  A doleful half-smile twisted my mouth but I turned back to my prayers.  A feeling of calm washed over me, followed by a tidal wave of love.  It was visceral and real, gut-twisting kind of love.  The kind that would make bards weep and sinners cry.  It started in the base of my insides, melting and twisting and burning until it was everywhere.  My hands and skin and toes, everywhere felt hot but this was no fever.  The widest smile broke out on my face.  As fast as a river could wash over me, images of my parents assaulted my mind.  Birthdays, playing, running, presents, hugs, mealtimes, stories, chasing, tickling, counselling.  Scenes from across my life flashed before my eyes.

Until they stopped on one.  

It was me leaving the castle through the kitchen passageway, the night that they ... died.  I could just see my feet disappearing into the dark and the unseen head whose eyes I looked through swung round.  I gasped as I saw my mother's face.  She smiled and my heart stopped.  It was a proud kind of smile, full of melancholy and love, that spoke of a shared and completed goal.  I knew, in my soul, that the look they shared was because they had achieved their only goal; their child would be safe.  It faded from view and I lifted my hands to feel how warm my cheeks were, but instead touched wet skin. I had no idea as to what had just happened but I was sure it was my father. Somehow it was him. I shook as I thought upon it.

Alistair was looking at me with a warm and compassionate smile as he waited, still kneeling as I was.    Gently, and very patiently, he held his hand out for me to take.  With a grateful smile, I took it and we rose to standing.  There was a pause for a few moments before I glanced to my brother who gave the signal that we were to withdraw from the crypt.  As I stared resolutely ahead, my face a picture of composure, I felt a small squeeze on the fingers my husband was holding up.  It was all I needed.  My past was behind me and I was walking out into my life, my future.  It was glorious and I looked forward to it.

 

**Author's Note:**

> So this is the last in the series. I would appreciate feedback as ever - good or bad!
> 
> I am still doing NaNoWriMo and have a few stories knocking about upstairs (particularly one about F!Hawke and Fenris - as alluded to up above) but if you have any ideas, and they are doable, I'd be interested in hearing about them.
> 
> Thanks for sticking with me and reading the ramblings of a mad fool, still desperately in love with Alistair after all this time.


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